JCSpark

Why is there an outline of a chicken cutlet on Saturn?

Interesting. I had read something similar. Thing is, unless you host your own or give up conveniences, email will always be a means of surveillance. I try to do everything I can to keep my digital footprint small, but I also value my time. Going down a rabbit hole and hosting my own service, or never being satisfied with an email provider seemed like a waste of my time. I’ll do the best I can, and focus on what I can control.

I’ve been using Fastmail for a while now, and I like it. Clean interface, good apps, and lots of support for CALDAV (including tasks!). Frankly a much better interface than many other providers. I was also tired of using Thunderbird with my hosting provider’s email.

I spent quite a while looking for a good email provider as well. Proton didn’t work for similar reasons, and I didn’t like having to use the bridge on Linux. I settled on Fastmail as it’s cheap, and does what I need (email, calendar, tasks).

I wasn’t excited that they have servers in the US (they’re an Australian company), but I had to make a compromise to degoogle. “Perfection is the enemy of progress” is a common phrase for me.

I’m interested to see what other opinions come up though.

Great thoughts! Management of expectations should be the default, and the beginning of any relationship (platonic, ENM, monogamous, professional, familial, etc) should be discussed. I think it’s an excellent idea to understand what each party is seeking, and what capacity is available on either side. I agree that this is key to relationships that provide the most fulfillment to all involved, and that’s exactly what I’ve experienced as well.

As for ongoing consent, it’s the idea that consent must be continuous. Once it is no longer provided, it is not ongoing, thus the activity/arrangement/etc must end. This is where renegotiation can occur with conversation and (re)management of expectations.

A perfect example would be giving a ride to a friend. They consent to enter your vehicle, and provide ongoing consent while in the passenger seat. They can, at any time, ask for you to stop the car so they can get out. This is revocation of consent, and the end of the ongoing piece.

Side note about consent. I’ve been referring to ENM as CNM lately, as Ethics are subjective, but Consent is not.

I 100% agree with this. The same applies in reverse. Should a partner of mine decide they don’t want to practice polyamory, it would be an asshole move to deny them that choice, removing their consent. That’s besides ignoring their bodily autonomy, independence, and all those pesky other things that are often ignored.

You’re correct in both of those definitions. Let’s clarify consent though. Informed, enthusiastic, ongoing, and revokable. Does one consent to expected relationship styles, or is it merely a societal expectation? Are we informed of all options while growing up? Are all traditional relationships enthusiastic with the option to revoke consent?

My point is, I feel that cheating is an outlet when one feels there is no other option. This may be due to never having been presented an option, thus resorting to compulsory monogamy.

I appreciate dissenting opinions as well, and look forward to productive discussion.

If only they had a conversation… Maybe cheating is an unspoken exploration for one or both people into other perfectly valid relationship styles?

With a link description of “access denied”, I find this post rather apt. Alanis ain’t got nothing on that irony.

a) Nobody should ever need someone to make them feel complete.

b) What happens when the man (or partner) isn’t in a rut? Is his partner still the “Queen”? He doesn’t need anyone for the highs along with the lows?

This kind of toxic “traditional” crap is what leads to relationships where one or both partners feel trapped and obligated to stay in the relationship. What if, hear me out, all involved partners are treated like equals and human beings, all of the time!?

“Can’t handle me at my worst, don’t deserve me at my best”. Cut the shit. Grow up. Be better. Be accountable.

Supporting your partner is real, and I’m here for that. Making then dependant on you is not.

Nope, don’t think I like this. No one should have to materially change themselves to conform to a relationship. That’s a clear lack of boundaries on their part. At the same time, no one should have to allow themselves to be abused (or poked).

Recognizing when something isn’t working, or there are just too many incompatibilies, is a sign of self awareness and personal growth.

This image doesn’t show a healthy relationship dynamic, and I think that just needs to be acknowledged.