VeganBtw

This one tripped me up, because my friends were there around 10 years ago and they told me their Canadian passport saved them a couple of times from some people being hostile towards Americans.

Assuming the question implies an inclusive OR, I know all the answers too : True, True, True, True, True, True, True, True.

I feel you, I had a few managers like you describe. I am all for establishing your boundaries and telling people what you don’t care for if it doesn’t affect your tasks and so on, and I also agree with what other people told you here.

For example, I had a colleague that just talked about their sex life all the time. I deflected every time to another subject, I didn’t laugh at crassy innuendos and boys’ club language, I didn’t engage in stories of my own, but I became very fluent in being smiley, engaged, and willing to talk about work-related topics. People don’t feel offended and they pick up quickly that there are topics I won’t encourage. And I think I am better off now, with colleagues I really do care about. And if people insist on small talk, I sometimes tell yhem honestly, sympathetically, that I am stressed about things being done and that we will catch up later.

There is a way to connect with colleagues that doesn’t feel fake, but it takes practice and good faith. I don’t think it is beneficial in the long run to see others as of lesser value or as a waste of time. It can worsen social relationships. You seem to be motivated to know more about the inner workings of your job and it’s great, and I think the skill of “managing” middle managers and bosses could be included in the skillset.