Mine are teens now, here are a few pointers:

Let them help with the dishes/garbage/sweeping. I know they’ll make a bigger mess now, but in a few years they take well to chores.

When they start asking questions, always treat them with respect like they’re a smart person who’s missing a chunk of knowledge.

How you respond to falls and failures shapes their lives. When they fall, ask if they need help up. If they ask if it’s okay, say it’s going to be okay. When they mess up, ask if they can help you clean up without going into blame, other than discussing how to avoid that in the future.

Imagine if a great artist had some notebook sketches, and his son finger-painted all over them and then tried to sell them.

I’ve always loved the dimples in hard tack, I assume it’s so the weevils can feel like they live in apartment buildings.

You need a defense from a SAM man.

Why dream when it can be recorded for you!

Yeah, how much did you lose?

That’s not what your mom said.

This must be that non-consensual himdie I keep hearing about.

That’s ridiculous, that would lead to mass unemployment in the funeral industry.

Small typo, it’s “half of a Chihuahua.”

Laser-guided bath bombs.

Can anyone read this comment? It won’t load for me.

I once was taking a nice old man to the hospital, when he stopped breathing. I gave him a second and tried to rouse him, and he was pretty stubborn about it, but he still had a weak pulse. I called to my partner.

“Hey, how close are we to the hospital?”

“About 5 minutes, why?”

“Well, he’s not breathing. So if you hit any traffic, hit the lights, will you?”

I bagged him for about 3-4 minutes. Traffic was light, and we were making pretty good time, so we decided not to freak anybody out. The guy came to, and looked confused.

“What happened,” he asked.

“You stopped breathing, so I was breathing for you.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

“You are very welcome.”

He’s still the only person who ever said thank you when I tried to save their life.

I’m just one, simple man with his crystal ball and a knife with virgin blood on it.

Some of the earlier stuff is more creative in my opinion.

😁

Listen to who, I blocked them. 😋