Shinji: wait, im Jesus?

Gendo with a gun: always have been. pulls trigger

My favorite weird little guy was a halfling rogue, but he had an academic background. So he played like this overly optimistic nerd who just wanted to make the world a better place. I was playing him in a way that his optimism would fail when facing reality, but I kept rolling 20s. “Couldnt we all just get along?” Solved two conflicts. The best one was, “perhapse you have forgotten the power of love!” Convinced two dragons who hated each other to date. I miss that little guy. I still use his voice sometimes.

I see Freddy i up vote.

Racism isnt a matter of intelligence, but of social programming. It’s In-group versus out-group dynamics and often has little to do with race. Very intelligent people get caught in the trap though less intelligent people get caught easier. You see this in church scandals all the time. People say they would mob justice a pedophile but when it turns out it was the pastor at their big mega church who very tearfully asked god for forgiveness, suddenly it’s not so bad. Because he’s our pastor, not like those sick Catholics, ammiright?

I really related to this. I sexualized a lot of what I wanted to be and feel. Transformation, feminization kinks, I tried out sissy things but that always felt off to me. Boobs. Still love boobs, but now I know now that a large part of it wishing I had them.

The NIMBYs are strong in California. That and land is expensive. Definitely before the planned route ws pubished speculators “got lucky” in buying up the areas that weren’t already owned.

Klingons got retconned in motion picture. Can’t blame TNG for that.

My thought was, “Boromir would have been a woman.”

Read up on Sally hemings. She was his wife’s slave and believed to be half sister (cause her dad raped slaves). Jefferson in his later life was generally against slavery, but unwilling to put his money where his mouth was. Especially where it came to his (highly questionably consensual) side piece, Sally, or her (their) children.

Not strong, im a huge fuckin chicken. Still boy mode in public.

You telling me the gang wouldn’t get sidetracked by a locked door?

My friend ran a one shot session a while back. Lots of fun, new players to the table, but everyone was experienced. The boss that night wasnt the commissar or the backstabbing official that gave us the mission, it was a locked door. Sometimes it’s not about the storytelling or the hooks. sometimes even good players in a good group are dense and all you can do is sit there hoping they figure it out as they bang their heads against the wall.

She is great, the best part of my life. She have me the space to explore myself, and accepted me as i was and am. I was a kid in the 80s and 90s not the best time for representation. I remember many years ago a friend calling me out for my own toxic views of trans people, and I think that was one of the first little movements toward being able to accept myself. And that’s the thing, im glad there is better representation now, and groups and allies that young people growing up like i did can find better models so that dont have to wait till middle age to figure themselves out.

Honestly evolution is absurd, just look at religion: as a species, our large brain seems to exclusively function as a kind of concept incubator, and so we have people who latch onto all kinds of crazy ideas. Sometimes its something like hey what if we messed around with metals in an organized way, and bam we got the bronze age. Other times its like no, no, no the sky voice is very powerful indeed, which is why you have to cut off part of your dick.

Sometimes I think Douglas Adams had it right about the nature of the earth.

Cause you look cute.

I think i only watched the first season, I dont thik the second had come out yet.

Sometimes i wish there was a god just so I could ask, why would make an intelligent species with binary gender structure, and not hard code that? On the other hand if its not hard coded, then why is it I’ve had this consistent feeling my whole life? Wouldn’t it be more squishy?

But then evolution is a terrible way to create a divinely inspired perfect being.

I was surprised at how good it was considering the name.

I remember as a child wanting to dress as a girl. This was met with violent rejection by my family for the most part. I learned quickly as my personality was forming that parts of it were dangerous and scary, and to never show those parts. As I grew media showed me that Trans people were at best mentally ill, but most often paraded as sick, dangerous freaks. I felt like girls were more interesting, but I was just a boy.

I identified as male most of my life, but I resented it. Men just dont look good, arent interesting to look at, so what’s the point of nice clothes? Male spaces are toxic, sports are boring, but of course im a guy so im not allowed in the girl spaces I wish I could be in. When I was a teenager I discovered anime, specifically ranma 1/2, and holy shit did i wish I could just turn into a girl. Still a guy though.

Everything developed into fetishism, because I learned that what I was feeling and doing was perverted. And the only spaces where it was expressed was through kinky spaces. I got lucky in that I found a long-term relationship that allowed me to express myself, and explore the feminine part of me. But I was still a guy.

As an adult I was vaguely dissatisfied with things. I was in a great relationship, still am. But I hated playing, dressing up or whatever because I would always have to put it away to go out into the real world. I remember my spouse once asked me how I felt during a scene, am I a boy or a girl in the moment? and I was annoyed because the thought I had was that im a girl, always a girl. Still didnt get it.

One day im driving along having a conversation with myself as I do when im driving. It was a conversation I’ve had many times wondering about certain quirks of my creative process. But this time a little subconcious voice popped into my head to answer. It said “maybe you do that because its the only time you can ever feel entirely like a girl.” And i said, “what?” And my subconscious said, “okay bye!” As thousands of connections hit all at once in my brain.

Now I know, but im terrified of it. Im middle aged, and my whole life Trans people were freaks. Thats obviously wrong, but I chose the worst time to figure it out. Because the country i live in has decided to use Trans kids as a bludgeom of what’s wrong with society. Im trying to live more authentically but I feel isolated. Therapy is helping, and I recommend it if you can get access to help. But I have a lifetime of toxicity to unravel.

On the one hand, “Oh yall latched onto an inoccuous flavor comment I made and now you want to go somewhere else entirely? Okay, gimme a minute.”

On the other hand, “please for the love of God I set this situation up specifically for the players background and character growth so stay here a minute and just solve the goddamn riddle. Its horse, okay the answer is horse!”