For example when he’s walking along and sees a fig tree. He’s hungry so asks his disciples to bring him some dates figs (lazy fuck, go get your own damn dates figs). They report that the tree doesn’t have any dates figs, so Jesus uses his necromancy to make it wither and die.
EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT PRODUCTIVE WILL BE PURGED FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH. GOD IS LOVE.
The one where the god commands a follower to kill his son to prove his loyalty, then goes “jk just a test” just before the follower goes through with it. Loyalty tests like this are a classic manipulator tactic, and how TF is this supposed to convince people to follow this god?
There are rabbinic writings claiming that Abraham actually did kill Isaac, just not the full sacrifice. Apparently the type of sacrifice that would have been done includes plunging a knife into the heart of the sacrificial animal while its burning. Abraham was already at the last step which means Isaacs body was on fire.
Also only Abraham returns from the mountain. Isaac isn’t mentioned.
The Rabbinic writings claim Isaac was revived though. I think they brought his ashes to the Temple, and God reconstituted him. I need to find the reference.
quantity over quantity: destroying the entire world and every living thing except one dinky boat because some angels raped human women.
Quality over quantity?
when god cursed the serpent for telling the truth. (adam and eve didn’t die… and the issue really was that god didn’t want them to be “like him.” Also if the story is to believed, god set them up anyway.)
There’s some really funny coping about Adam and Eves death.
I’ve read one claim that, to god, a day is actually a thousand years. So god saying they will die a day later is true because Adam lived to 999 and 364 days or something.
Eventually, god figures out time, but before that he struggles and that’s why oldtest figures are hundreds of years old.
It’s always weird how for these copes to be true, god has to not understand the thing he made.
Another pretty damning example of that? God didn’t understand female anatomy.
Specifically that 60% of women do not bleed the first they have sex. Yet one of his laws say that women who say they are virgins on their wedding night and do not bleed… are to be stoned.
they right thoFavorite example of OT God being a wrathful bitch go!
Mines the bears that kill the kids.
Even hippy Jesus is sort of a dick though.
For example when he’s walking along and sees a fig tree. He’s hungry so asks his disciples to bring him some
datesfigs (lazy fuck, go get your own damndatesfigs). They report that the tree doesn’t have anydatesfigs, so Jesus uses his necromancy to make it wither and die.EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT PRODUCTIVE WILL BE PURGED FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH. GOD IS LOVE.
Sounds like he would have been disappointed even if the tree did have fruit on it, because dates grow on date palms, not on fig trees…
Oops. In my righteous indignation I messed up the details halfway through the retelling. 🙈
Anyway, more details:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cursing_of_the_fig_tree
The one where the god commands a follower to kill his son to prove his loyalty, then goes “jk just a test” just before the follower goes through with it. Loyalty tests like this are a classic manipulator tactic, and how TF is this supposed to convince people to follow this god?
There are rabbinic writings claiming that Abraham actually did kill Isaac, just not the full sacrifice. Apparently the type of sacrifice that would have been done includes plunging a knife into the heart of the sacrificial animal while its burning. Abraham was already at the last step which means Isaacs body was on fire.
Also only Abraham returns from the mountain. Isaac isn’t mentioned.
The Rabbinic writings claim Isaac was revived though. I think they brought his ashes to the Temple, and God reconstituted him. I need to find the reference.
Damn, that’s even worse.
Fuck them kids, tho, that one’s justified.
My favorite is when he commands genocide*.
*the joke is that this happens constantly
quantity over quantity: destroying the entire world and every living thing except one dinky boat because some angels raped human women.
Quality over quantity?
when god cursed the serpent for telling the truth. (adam and eve didn’t die… and the issue really was that god didn’t want them to be “like him.” Also if the story is to believed, god set them up anyway.)
There’s some really funny coping about Adam and Eves death.
I’ve read one claim that, to god, a day is actually a thousand years. So god saying they will die a day later is true because Adam lived to 999 and 364 days or something.
Eventually, god figures out time, but before that he struggles and that’s why oldtest figures are hundreds of years old.
It’s always weird how for these copes to be true, god has to not understand the thing he made.
Another pretty damning example of that? God didn’t understand female anatomy.
Specifically that 60% of women do not bleed the first they have sex. Yet one of his laws say that women who say they are virgins on their wedding night and do not bleed… are to be stoned.
Strange how, despite creating the universe, god only has a 500 BC Jewish Man’s understanding of the human body.
I’m sure that’s just a coincidence though.