I’m a butch transbian. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my butch identity, and how my experiences with butchness overlaps and maybe differs in some areas to my non-transfemme butch siblings. For example:
- We’ve likely grown up with very different bodies and genitals, and that has impacted our relationship to our butchness
- Our struggle with presenting butch in a way that doesn’t get us misgendered or give us dysphoria
- Dealing with the pressure from outside transfemme circles and inside to present more feminine
- Feeling like a fraud in lesbian spaces, because I feel like I’m dressing like a “man”, despite knowing that butch identity is a whole separate thing.
- Fearing exclusion from cis lesbians, what if they think im a cis dude creeping around?
- The lack of representation for butchness in transfemmininty
- How do other butch transfemmes feel about femminine clothing?
- How do we feel about compliments? Beautiful vs handsome?
- Feeling tension between wanting to present more feminine in some ways to “escape” the masculinity I was imprisoned by growing up.
I would love to hear about any thoughts and experiences you’ve got.
I love skirts, and camisoles, and anything and everything pink. But, I also love looking androgynous/masc-ish.
External factors like passing* do suck, but I think that’ll get better with time, and so will my dysphoria (grow faster, breasts!)
I really love femme clothing, and I greatly enjoy wearing it. If that excludes me from being a butch, so be it: I don’t really care that much.
As for compliments, I like being called a pretty girl :3 I’ve also experimented with being called handsome, or being referred to as a boy. It doesn’t feel bad like it did earlier on. Maybe I’ll be a butch someday.
* I know, I know, it’s stupid. Please inform me of an alternative to the term, if you have one.
After rereading this: huh, maybe I’m enby or something.