I went no contact with my Mom. Our relationship has never really been good, when I was 4 she left my dad who got primary custody of me and my siblings. From then on I only stayed with her every other weekend. At first I was super excited to spend time with her but that dwindled quickly as she spent most of that time drinking with her friends or drinking alone. She often drove with me in the car while drunk which scared me a lot and she got a few DUIs to the point she got a breathalyzer installed in her car. That didn’t stop her though as she would just have me or my siblings blow into it so she could continue drinking and driving. This was consistent my entire childhood. There was even one night when she was plastered and trying to tell me that my dad never wanted me, I was 10 at the time, I don’t even think she remembers that night but I sure do. I have a lot of trauma from her drinking which made it difficult for me to be around people drinking for awhile, I’m past it now but it took a lot of time.
She always described me as her golden child too since I never got in trouble so she “never had to worry about me” which is true because she never really thought about me it feels like.
When I was in my twenties she actually cut back on drinking which I was very happy about but we still didn’t really know each other that much. I also came out as trans during this time to which I got the “I need to mourne the loss of my son” treatment which sucks to hear because I had finally stopped feeling depressed and suicidal when I came out so I was very happy while she would rather me be depressed again.
The final straw for me was learning she voted for Trump. Not only am I a trans woman but I was also a federal worker and my wife works at a predominantly immigrant elementary school. I just cant handle how much her decisions have hurt me over my life and I wanted it to stop. So I just blocked her and refused to talk with her anymore. Her last words to me was that I would understand one day why she voted for Trump and that everything would be better because of him.
The worst is she’s having health issues and just had heart surgery and now I feel terrible that I am not there for her despite the fact she’s never been there for me.
Sorry I know its really long but I really needed to vent about this.
The feeling of guilt even though you know you have set a reasonable boundary is intense. There is a incredible social power to the assumption that you owe your parents something, even if they fall to meet every responsibility of parenthood. I feel the same way with my dad.
I went no contact with my Mom. Our relationship has never really been good, when I was 4 she left my dad who got primary custody of me and my siblings. From then on I only stayed with her every other weekend. At first I was super excited to spend time with her but that dwindled quickly as she spent most of that time drinking with her friends or drinking alone. She often drove with me in the car while drunk which scared me a lot and she got a few DUIs to the point she got a breathalyzer installed in her car. That didn’t stop her though as she would just have me or my siblings blow into it so she could continue drinking and driving. This was consistent my entire childhood. There was even one night when she was plastered and trying to tell me that my dad never wanted me, I was 10 at the time, I don’t even think she remembers that night but I sure do. I have a lot of trauma from her drinking which made it difficult for me to be around people drinking for awhile, I’m past it now but it took a lot of time.
She always described me as her golden child too since I never got in trouble so she “never had to worry about me” which is true because she never really thought about me it feels like.
When I was in my twenties she actually cut back on drinking which I was very happy about but we still didn’t really know each other that much. I also came out as trans during this time to which I got the “I need to mourne the loss of my son” treatment which sucks to hear because I had finally stopped feeling depressed and suicidal when I came out so I was very happy while she would rather me be depressed again.
The final straw for me was learning she voted for Trump. Not only am I a trans woman but I was also a federal worker and my wife works at a predominantly immigrant elementary school. I just cant handle how much her decisions have hurt me over my life and I wanted it to stop. So I just blocked her and refused to talk with her anymore. Her last words to me was that I would understand one day why she voted for Trump and that everything would be better because of him.
The worst is she’s having health issues and just had heart surgery and now I feel terrible that I am not there for her despite the fact she’s never been there for me.
Sorry I know its really long but I really needed to vent about this.
The feeling of guilt even though you know you have set a reasonable boundary is intense. There is a incredible social power to the assumption that you owe your parents something, even if they fall to meet every responsibility of parenthood. I feel the same way with my dad.