Reminding myself that I am also a person with needs, that are just as important to have met. More so, in fact, than everyone else’s, because I won’t be filling anyone’s needs if I keep driving myself into the ground.
You don’t question my professional decision-making unless you bring receipts to the table. If you’re going to try to vibe-argue me in my area of expertise I will fucking dismantle you publicly. Bring receipts and I will listen.
Damnit I wish you were just a little bit gay … because that’s one of the hottest things I’ve ever read.
I’m … ah … in old-timey terms Kinsey 2. I think the kiddies would call me “pan”.
So … that’s a maybe?
Well, SO and I have very strict rules about bringing new people into the relationship.
Do you play tabletop games? RPGs, board games, card games?
I play a lot of Fluxx, and I love Tue gentler end of TTRPGs like Last Night on Earth. I do silly voices for it.
I have a dream for GMIng the casual TTRPGs that are collaborative storytelling over maths. I’m not competitive.
Thay being said, I’m usually in Europe most of the time :-/
Fluxx is loads of fun! And if you mean “story games” I’ve got FATE, Spark (and its descendants) and StoryEngine on my shelf (some of the very few games that I have physical copies of).
Fate was what I was thinking of using to GM with! Reading about Spark, that sounds like it would work too … does it have a different emphasis?
After September I’ve made it a mission to go to some of the language exchange social groups near where I live, and if I can find some like-minded people at one of them I was thinking of starting that sort if game to help people with B1 or higher English level improve their language while playing :-)
I don’t have any formal qualifications, but my mother was always very strict with elocution and correct English*, so I can help with pronounciation and grammar.
Last time I tried going to an RPG group I did one evening of Pathfinder, and that really wasn’t my thing - hence the emphasis on storytelling
I love this. I’m the same being in regulatory services. I get talked down to a lot by different sexes and cultures because I’m POC and female. They can try to take me down, but I dish it out just as hard if not harder, and with a smile.
A good sweet smile while you rip out their guts and hang them as garlands around their neck (metaphorically speaking … mostly) is really good for generating fear.
Especially when they tell me to smile… I wrap them around my own neck. 😘☠️
I went no contact with my Mom. Our relationship has never really been good, when I was 4 she left my dad who got primary custody of me and my siblings. From then on I only stayed with her every other weekend. At first I was super excited to spend time with her but that dwindled quickly as she spent most of that time drinking with her friends or drinking alone. She often drove with me in the car while drunk which scared me a lot and she got a few DUIs to the point she got a breathalyzer installed in her car. That didn’t stop her though as she would just have me or my siblings blow into it so she could continue drinking and driving. This was consistent my entire childhood. There was even one night when she was plastered and trying to tell me that my dad never wanted me, I was 10 at the time, I don’t even think she remembers that night but I sure do. I have a lot of trauma from her drinking which made it difficult for me to be around people drinking for awhile, I’m past it now but it took a lot of time.
She always described me as her golden child too since I never got in trouble so she “never had to worry about me” which is true because she never really thought about me it feels like.
When I was in my twenties she actually cut back on drinking which I was very happy about but we still didn’t really know each other that much. I also came out as trans during this time to which I got the “I need to mourne the loss of my son” treatment which sucks to hear because I had finally stopped feeling depressed and suicidal when I came out so I was very happy while she would rather me be depressed again.
The final straw for me was learning she voted for Trump. Not only am I a trans woman but I was also a federal worker and my wife works at a predominantly immigrant elementary school. I just cant handle how much her decisions have hurt me over my life and I wanted it to stop. So I just blocked her and refused to talk with her anymore. Her last words to me was that I would understand one day why she voted for Trump and that everything would be better because of him.
The worst is she’s having health issues and just had heart surgery and now I feel terrible that I am not there for her despite the fact she’s never been there for me.
Sorry I know its really long but I really needed to vent about this.
The feeling of guilt even though you know you have set a reasonable boundary is intense. There is a incredible social power to the assumption that you owe your parents something, even if they fall to meet every responsibility of parenthood. I feel the same way with my dad.
I’m going to share two really big ones for me that I’m still struggling with:
Saying no and saying it firmly.
Oversharing. No is no, and I don’t owe anyone an explanation for anything. If an awkward silence follows, then it’s them and not me.
This one is so hard and so important! I also struggle with this. It’s on them and not you :)
100%. I read somewhere that at 7 seconds, the silence becomes really awkward and more often than not, someone will break the silence. My ass of a director uses silence as a tool to get information from people.
I used it back on him, and we had a staring contest. He doesn’t stop to chat anymore. Most definitely a win for me. He was a manipulative, backstabbing POS.
i want to get back into dating and a boundary i want to establish, which ive struggled with in the past, is that i am nonmonogamous and im not going to change or compromise that for anyone. i told my last partner im nonmonogamous before we started, and they were accepting initially but after a while they started adding conditions that basically amounted to them approving my other partners and my partners partners and so on or they wouldnt have sex with me anymore. they pretty much forced me to choose between them and nonmonogamy, and that amoung other things eventually ended the relationship, but i unfortunately chose them for a while over my own feelings.
i know nonmonogamy is not widely accepted in society generally, but it really sucked getting that from another queer person who claimed to be accepting and to care about my feelings. im very opposed to the implicit ownership people assume over their romantic partners and dont want to participate in it at all. it might still be a struggle for me to establish that boundary, that this is who i am and i wont be with someone who cant accept it, but i really want to.
I’m in a relationship that for much of its duration was quasi-open. (COVID-19 put a bit of a crimp into the open parts, and SO and i have settled into something that is de facto monogamous, but not by inclination, more by practicality.) And yes, it’s really hard to get other people to accept that. The notion that people can love and have relationships outside of a state- or religion-sanctioned relationship baffles people.
Definitely establish that boundary. Make it clear and ideally find someone who shares your standards, not just “accepts” them. You need someone who bellyfeels what you feel.
I’m in the process of removing my parents from my life.
I’m also going in to have low key life saving surgery in an hour and a half, but the thing with my parents feels bigger.
Hey, I hope you’re feeling ok, after the surgery! Wishing you a speedy and peaceful recovery, lovely! Sending hugs and love in solidarity for what you’re going through with your parents, too. I can relate.
Thank you! They removed my breast because I had the pre-stages of breast cancer and the lumps were growing fast. So it’s better to lose a breast than to possibly not be here in a couple of years. Feels weird af to suddenly only having one boob, but I’m so relieved that it’s gone. Even if I look deformed now.
As for the whole parents thing, I’m very sorry you can relate. That is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
I hope you are free of yours as well. I had to wait until now to get rid of mine because I was afraid they would turn my siblings against me if I disobeyed them too much. I have wanted to cut contact with especially my mother since 2010, but my love for my siblings and niblings outweighed my disgust for her. Luckily they all see her for what she is now, and I have also finally allowed myself to admit that my father isn’t much better either.
When I’m a bit better, we plan on calling my dad and telling him that I’m out and then I’ll send him a long letter where I explain why it is happening now and what the past 17 years have been like for me and that I love my father even though I despise how he has treated my siblings and niblings and to some extent myself. I have nothing to say to my mother, so she won’t get a letter. I know that neither of them will take my letter seriously. They will pick it apart and argue everything, but I don’t really care. It’s for me, anyways. I’m just very happy that they don’t get to turn my siblings on me. It took almost two decades of playing the game, but I somehow got everything I wanted despite having long since admitted defeat and accepted that I would never be free until my mother is dead. Thankfully I won’t have to wait that long.
Sorry for long comment. But yeah, I feel so relieved and free. If you’re still trapped by your parents, I hope you find your way to freedom someday too ❤️ you deserve it!
Not gonna lie, I think both of those things might turn out to be really important…
You’re not wrong, friend, haha. I hope you have a lovely evening. 🤗
