I’m trying to let myself actually leave comments, to write things, to make art, etc. I usually clamp down on this as hard as I can, because the idea of anyone reading genuine thoughts or interacting with any actual piece of me is both terrifying and exposing.
But I am in my mid 30s now. I think I understand enough now to know that no one is ever going to be universally liked and supported, no one is ever going to exist without a little bit of interpersonal friction.
Do I still want to run from it every time? …Did I reconsider writing this comment about a dozen times while writing it? …yeah. But I am still trying. For this moment, I have the audacity.
I’m in this comment and I don’t like it. The worst part for me is feeling this way about reaching out to friends. I want to text them, I want to schedule a hangout, I want to be part of their lives, but every time I go to actually reach out I feel like I’m just imposing on them. I convince myself they don’t actually want to hear from me, that they think I’m Too Much™, that being excited to see them will push them away.
I just thought about deleting this comment. Here it is anyway…
I totally understand. I feel the same way. Your comment (and the others in this thread) help me feel less alone. Thank you for that; I genuinely mean it. I’m so sorry that your brain is mean to you like mine is to me. I hope you’re able to work to retrain it. You deserve better. <3
I feel this. My friends feel this, but I absolutely adore it when they do reach out as I feel loved and appreciated. So think of the joy you are bringing everyone just by reaching out.
Yes, there is a vulnerability to it … some of the things I try to reply freely about now are parts of me that I didn’t want the world to know. But it’s been liberating, over all
I’m in my early 40s and I could have written your entire comment right down to the reasoning for hesitating to comment. I’ve written and deleted and rewritten and reworded this comment a few times.
For this moment, I have the audacity.
Also, to me, this is funny because I sometimes go by the name Audacity :)
I’m trying to let myself actually leave comments, to write things, to make art, etc. I usually clamp down on this as hard as I can, because the idea of anyone reading genuine thoughts or interacting with any actual piece of me is both terrifying and exposing.
But I am in my mid 30s now. I think I understand enough now to know that no one is ever going to be universally liked and supported, no one is ever going to exist without a little bit of interpersonal friction.
Do I still want to run from it every time? …Did I reconsider writing this comment about a dozen times while writing it? …yeah. But I am still trying. For this moment, I have the audacity.
I’m in this comment and I don’t like it. The worst part for me is feeling this way about reaching out to friends. I want to text them, I want to schedule a hangout, I want to be part of their lives, but every time I go to actually reach out I feel like I’m just imposing on them. I convince myself they don’t actually want to hear from me, that they think I’m Too Much™, that being excited to see them will push them away.
I just thought about deleting this comment. Here it is anyway…
I totally understand. I feel the same way. Your comment (and the others in this thread) help me feel less alone. Thank you for that; I genuinely mean it. I’m so sorry that your brain is mean to you like mine is to me. I hope you’re able to work to retrain it. You deserve better. <3
I feel this. My friends feel this, but I absolutely adore it when they do reach out as I feel loved and appreciated. So think of the joy you are bringing everyone just by reaching out.
Well done for getting this out there!
Yes, there is a vulnerability to it … some of the things I try to reply freely about now are parts of me that I didn’t want the world to know. But it’s been liberating, over all
I’m in my early 40s and I could have written your entire comment right down to the reasoning for hesitating to comment. I’ve written and deleted and rewritten and reworded this comment a few times.
Also, to me, this is funny because I sometimes go by the name Audacity :)