I hate this though because I am not just trying to say hi, I am literally trying to explain to women why they should listen to me, so if they have headphones in they will never hear the arguments in the first place that I have honed in preparation through conversations with my AI Wives.
It is rude for women to just pretend like they can go about their lives and not center me, I am a man and I am the hero of MY STORY you have to listen to me.
Exactly. It’s like they don’t even realize who the protagonist is here.
Its not her story, its history. Right fellas!
I don’t mean this in a gay way, but men have such sexier minds than women, I just wish we could transport the minds of men into the minds of women so I could stop having to deal with these complicated feelings about my bros.
As a wise person once said…
If I have both earbuds in, don’t talk to me.
If I have one earbud in, don’t talk to me.
If I have neither in, don’t talk to me.
Story time! This isn’t here to say that dudes have it worse or just as bad or anything. It just made me think of this.
I have a good friend who wears wired earbuds often. He gets in a space where he doesn’t want to talk to anyone but he got to be out for one reason or other. I’ve watched person after person come up to him to talk. He rolls his eyes, takes out an earbud, make a huge show of pausing whatever he’s listening to while holding up the “Wait a second” finger. They’ll say whatever they’re trying to open with and he will nod and give the biggest fake smile. Then put his earbud back in. To continue the conversation they have to tap him again and wait for him to do it all over again. Some do, sometimes repeatedly.
Some people seem to have no concept that others aren’t just waiting for the chance to talk to them.
This whole thread is weird to me because being approached in public by people wanting to talk almost never happens. Not that I’m complaining exactly, it’s confusing and concerning when it does, but it’s hard to imagine it as such a normal thing that it has become a commonplace annoyance.
It happens depending on where you are.
In the East Coast? Mind your business.
In the West Coast:
Someone made conversation with me in the toilet. “Good water flow, yeah?” He said.
As a dude, most people only give me small talk, just to break the ice and explain nobody is a threat. But I can see as a woman, most small talk is a lead up to something else.
I figured out I have to say hi or hello to anyone going into the waiting station, just to let them know I’m not a threat, but ironically, my own voice breaks with fear, because I have to share a space with another human, and I’m on edge the entire time.
What’s a waiting station?
Bus station, but I short circuited.
This seems dependant on location to me. In a region I lived before it would be rare that someone would talk to me in public like at the store, now where I’m at it happens all the time, people seem much more social in general. I used to be sort of confused when it did happen, now I’m used to it and it feels like a nice human moment when it does usually.
No this seems like some made up scenario. Complete bullshit, if you will. But, go off.
I hate it so much when I put in headphones so I can power through something like doing the dishes without distraction only to have someone come in and start talking at me. It’s like, there are so many other times when I’m available. Can you not do it when it’s going to make something I don’t particularly enjoy doing take so much longer?!
https://youtube.com/shorts/4bpL14Z9RKE
The only guys who are going to approach you are the guys with no boundaries. Which is going to feed the confirmation bias.
What do you think the solution to that problem is?
Oh that’s a great question, I have no idea. I’m just watching the divide happen and am glad my partner and I found each other. I’m sure it’s not good for the fabric of society though. It’s like we’re moving further and further into isolation tendencies.
I guess the easiest solution would be the return of “handkerchief dropping” or some equivalent thing.
Pretty obvious, really, outlaw women using any kind of headphone or earbuds, or just electronic devices in general. It’s pretty sad that in this day and age that even needs pointing out.
I was going to respond at least somewhat affirming what you said and then I saw who you linked. Gross. Can’t stand BilleRaeBrandt. Nothing but an apologist for misogyny.
I don’t know who that is, I simply searched “men not approaching” in YouTube search. There’s no shortage of similar contradictory content. Women are not a monolith, so it stands to reason that some genuinely don’t want to be approached at all, and some do, but since we’re not psychic, that just leaves respectful men not approaching as a default position.
I guess she is a youtuber or tiktoker or whatever who makes short videos about hetero relationship issues that (as far as I have ever seen) always blame the woman for why things have gone wrong with their dating attempts or existing relationships, etc. It’s never the man’s fault.
that just leaves respectful men not approaching as a default position
Yes, exactly as it should be.
You’re the same person who commented headphones in means don’t approach. That’s not what I’m talking about. Go to YouTube, search “men not approaching women” and behold, many women reporting that they aren’t getting approached when they feel they should be. So the feedback I’m hearing is, well, women should go and approach men, which men seemed fine with the idea, but women seemed appalled at the notion. If you want me to link some compilations I will.
I mean I don’t care either way, I already found my partner, so you all do you.
Yes if you search the internet for something you want to hear you will hear it
What’s your point? Everything exists so nothing matters? Why are you even talking then?
My point is if you’re obsessed with something, google search will always agree with you, correctly or not
“Women are so unreasonable! Amirite, guise??”
The only guys who are going to approach you are the guys with no boundaries. Which is going to feed the confirmation bias.
What confirmation bias? The confirmation bias of this straw woman you have here?
If the only men who approach you are people who don’t respect boundaries, then every man you meet has similar traits, and then it’s easy to think all men your problem when it’s not. Just because you’re easily lost in conversation doesn’t make everything a strawman. It’s not a magic incantation that makes you look smart.
The not talking to people with headphones IS the boundary!
Hes not “so close to getting it” he completely understands the bait hes setting out.
The guy is not “so close to getting it.” He just appears that way because we don’t have the same bias he has. He’s actually quite far from getting it and he probably won’t even believe the truth when people explain it to him.
If he was close to getting it, he’d have gotten it already.
Well it’s one of those things like you can be two inches away from something but if there’s a glass window in the way you might never actually touch that something.
Does he usually walk up to random people on the street who aren’t wearing headphones to try start conversations? 😬
Judging by replies to that thread… yes, quite a bit. One woman described how she had to wear ear protection after ear surgery and a guy removed that to talk to her from behind. She was in pain for 2 days afterwards.
Edit: my personal experience is I had 2 different guys tap on my shoulder and ask me to remove my earbuds by gesturing. Both times they were trying to pick me up. I was just on the way home from work, exhausted and also heavily married.
One woman described how she had to wear ear protection after ear surgery and a guy removed that to talk to her from behind. She was in pain for 2 days afterwards.
Sounds like she suffered consequences while the man who harmed her suffered no consequences.
We should be able to easily call police and sue for damages in such situations.
Oh my god, that’s awful
walk up to random people on the street who aren’t wearing headphones to try start conversations?
It’s strange to me that this would be considered out of bounds. “Pickup artists” aside, this really ought to be more normal.
If they aren’t family, or friends, and they aren’t on some talking forum, they might as well not exist. You have no right or reason to interact with them whatsoever.
Heck, family and friends are optional too…
You have no right or reason to interact with them whatsoever.
I absolutely have the right to talk to anyone I wish. (Assuming we’re not talking about stalking, harassment, etc). As for my reasons, they are my reasons and fuck you if you don’t like them. It’s no wonder nobody has a social life anymore.
You aren’t entitled to other people, and to make them talk or listen to you.
Who says I’m trying to make them do anything?
You’re making them tell you “fuck off im not interested in talking”
I wish someone would do that to me in real life. I’d tell them about how a popular coffeeshop in our city is run by a straight up cult and the employees are all members whose wages go into a “shared purse” controlled by the cult.
Because unlike the guy in the OP, I recognize I’m not the main character. I’m the NPC in the tavern who sends the protagonist on a side quest to take down a cult.
Idk man the way i look at it gossiping is morally wrong and dangerous. Like no i dont wanna hear rumors at all – if there’s a real problem sure let’s talk about it may be an emergency we have to take action so talking is necessary. But idk what’s the point of rumors and gossip?? For machiavellian to manipulate those around them, as far as I can tell.
Maybe a Generation and location thing, Gen Z here from Western Europe and i definitly would not dare/think about trying to pick up a person outside of a space thats specificly labled for dating.
For me its kind of a consent thing, outside of specific dating spaces i cant be sure that the other person wants to be botherd with dating.
Yeah 90s born here and the idea of just wandering up to someone while they’re out in the street, shopping or pretty much anywhere that isn’t like a bar (and even then unless they give some sort of indication) and running a line is wild.
My mates older brother in high school would insist that sort of stuff is how you do it. Fuck that. I hate people, mostly sales people or weirdos, bothering me when I clearly have every indication about my demeanour not to talk to me, do it. So why would I? It’s weird.
You should just talk to people to be nice. If it turns into something else, then great! But I hate when somebody starts a conversation with me and they have an agenda: like, they want me to give them money or join their religion or something like that. Just talk to people because it’s a nice thing to do!
And if somebody’s giving social cues that they want to be left alone, then…don’t do that. Because that wouldn’t be nice.
But I didn’t say anything about picking a person up except to explicitly exclude it from what I was talking about. The comment I responded to was specifically about starting a conversation.
Idk it’s just like with work we’re forced to interact and be friendly with strangers all day, now im in line at the post office and some guy wants to make a “consevative” point about how government sucks or something. Like fuck off man, i spent all day talking and acting friendly with strangers for money so i dont die in the street and this guy wants me to do it for free.
They probably misconstrued “pick-up artists aside” as being very specifically about literal “pick-up artists” rather than as a generalized hitting on someone in public thing.
I do agree with them, though, in that it’s very culturally dependent on how okay it is. I remember from a long time ago now one of those “kids today are always glued to their phones” memes where somebody just responded with a photo of a commuter rail car from the 50s where every single person in the photo was reading the newspaper, and I have a similar story from my dad about my grandfather: My grandfather worked in NYC for over 20 years and he commuted by train. During those commutes, he sat next to the same man, twice a day - on the way there and on the way back - for years, and only once in at least a decade did they ever speak to each other. “Are you finished reading that?” Those were the 5 words that man spoke to my grandfather, who handed him the paper he had finished reading, and they never exchanged another word again. I don’t think they ever even looked at each other.
I would also add that it’s a very extroverted thing to do, and not in the sense of social anxiety or something, but in the sense that introverted people burn mental and emotional energy in social interaction, and by trying to engage with a stranger in a random conversation, you might be using up the spoons they have that day. I’ll talk to random people in public as well, but I keep it to one-off statements that people can either leave be or reciprocate with if they want. A joke about the traffic in trying to navigate the grocery store, that sort of thing. I’m very good at talking with people, I learned it from working a service industry job as a teen, to the point where I was basically the public face of a company, but I find it EXHAUSTING to do. I’m an introvert, pure and simple, and social interaction simply takes energy to do. At the end of the day, all I want to do is isolate myself so I can recharge and unwind.
Plus, there’s the whole “women having to handle a man” aspect. Women have to treat men differently and behave differently to protect themselves when interacting with men (ones they don’t know in particular), and so a random stranger trying to start up a conversation is A Situation that they have to analyze. It goes back to the “women would prefer to be in the woods with a bear” thing. Women would rather a random bear try to start a conversation with them in public, or something.
My grandfather worked in NYC for over 20 years and he commuted by train. During those commutes, he sat next to the same man, twice a day - on the way there and on the way back - for years, and only once in at least a decade did they ever speak to each other. “Are you finished reading that?” Those were the 5 words that man spoke to my grandfather, who handed him the paper he had finished reading, and they never exchanged another word again. I don’t think they ever even looked at each other.
Best friend he ever had. They still never talk sometimes.
Meanwhile, the dirty looks I get when I’m on a bike ride and I startle nearly every woman I pass because she couldn’t hear me say “on your left”
and they CAN’T HEAR THE BELL EITHER
put the phone down, take the ear phones out and be more aware of your surroundings
Bell?
Push bikes have bells that you use to ding people when you’re coming up behind them to let them know you’re coming
Would someone needing a push bike even be going fast enough for it to matter? I’d think it’d mostly be toddlers riding them.
They mean push (pedal) bike vs motor bike, not a bike that you push around.
No, I refuse.
Only the women, though?
Guys have to pretend that they weren’t startled because of toxic masculinity 😔
It’s funny until you meet women that complain about not getting hit on and do this.
When they wanna get hit on they dress up go to a bar or party and dont wear headphones, it’s really not that complicated
No, then they’re dressing up for themselves and “out with their friends”.
I guess you better stick to men then, good luck
This is not a thing.
Are these women in the room with us now?
I have never, ever heard a woman complain about not being hit on. Not even chronically single women.
Only women I’ve heard that from are all lesbians lol
And even then it’s with a layer of self-awareness
I don’t feel too bad for the 1 in 1000 women that weirdly crave being hit on in public with headphones on. Maybe some day she’ll meet the OP which is the 1 in 1000 men who weirdly don’t realize that people with headphones on don’t want to socialize.
I disagree that’s the point. The point is generally to distract oneself or to keep focus. Neither of these two reasons preclude the willingness to stumble into s.o. actually worthwhile.
Whether earphones are supposed to serve as a sign to keep away depends on the culture and gender. In the States, for instance, people are way more often stopped by s.b. on the street than in Europe. The idea that s.b. would try to sell s.th. or preach to you on your path almost every day is very foreign to most Europeans.
Starbuck wouldn’t try to sell swamp thing!
S.o. meaning significant other?
