Hey everyone! Ive been missing yall for a while, and without going into too much i havent had great access to my wardrobe or the ability to wear it.
Anyways, in other news, due to a supremely nightmarish interaction with police, i am now out to the entire state of oregon! All the worst people i was most afraid of knowing now know! Yayyy 🙃
Plus some deeply personal and intrusive questions, like:
spoiler
What genital were you born with? Have you had any surgeries? Any plans to have surgery? Mtf or ftm? Safe around other men or no? How long hrt? When start, what take, how much dose? And other extremely intimate questions like these
It was a mortifying, nightmare fuel experience. I survived though, with some more traumas but oh well, therapists are eatin good lol.
Just venting honestly, to others who would understand. ❤️❤️
Hows everyones week so far?!
Also, fuck the police, dont ever talk to cops 🏳️🌈
Wait what the fuck? Did you get outed by cops? Seriously what the fuck.
Girl I fucking hate whatever those pigs made you go through. If you wanna talk / vent about what happened to you send me a DM.
[edit: I’ve seen some more of your replies in here now so you don’t have to answer my question. I’m so fucking angry. Sending all my love]
Yeah i basically got outed by cops, and im just as angy as you.
Although it has made it much easier to just say fuck it, the state knows so everyone else can i guess. Doesnt make it ok obvi, i didnt want this to happen atleast until HRT physical changes. But they ripped that bandaid off now, so oh well.
Its just more fucked up because i didnt do anything wrong. But my refusal to talk to them and their feelings on trans people made them treat me like absolute garbage.
I will say one more thing, because i need to say it, and it seems the cats mostly out the bag already. Its bothering me but my brain also says its nothing and noone cares. But i know people care, i know people here ESPECIALLY will care. I hope talking about all this doesnt bite me in the ass later.
For context, i was arrested, if thats not obvious by now. My first time ever being arrested.
When they put me in solitary, i didnt know at the beginning but i found out later. That the room i was in had two signs on the door. One of them said “classification housing only” the other one ima put a spoiler on so it doesnt upset people, read at your own risk:
spoiler
The other sign had “TG” in big bold black letters on the door, for transgender. I was a zoo exhibit seem like
So yeah, its not been fun
This is heartbreaking. There aren’t words for me to adequately express how much this hurts to hear and how much I want to scream on your behalf.
I’ve been out doing community defence all weekend. Getting arrested is something that I fully expect to happen to me at some point. Today was the first time i was at an action where I was visibly trans. I guess I feel a lot of kinship with you because I think we lead fairly similar lives (at least in this context). What happened to you is one of my worst fears.
There aren’t words. You’re a ray of light. ACA fucking B.
It helps that mama didnt raise a bitch (well i mean i guess she did in a way) not that i even talk to her anymore.
To be honest i dont like to trauma brag because im not about invalidating other people. But, lifes been really rough, nothing has ever come easy to me. Including finding myself. I mean even feeding myself when i was a kid was a struggle. Ive been through so much awful terrible no good shit.
I feel like theres two paths when you are raised like that. Either you become an extremely shitty person, not giving a fuck about anyone else. Or you become the opposite, the most caring person because you dont want to see people go through what you did. I chose the latter.
But yeah, i was GSA in high school. Always went to protests when i could (more when i didnt have kids). And just generally made it my lifes goal to leave this world better than i found it. I just want everyone to be happy, but that seems impossible nowadays.
Now, that being said, it does have disadvantages. Like going to jail for nothing because you wont talk to police or rat out people ever. People walk all over and step on you because its easy. Sometimes i feel lile a usefull tool thats thrown out once i stop being useful. Ive been heartbroken that way before. Its something im working on in therapy, standing up for myself more, while keeping my compassion for others. Its why people have been insisting i should do a civil suit. While i think nothing will happen, thats the part of me that wont stand up for myself. Maybe something will if i have compassion for myself for once.
Im at the beach and its really been helping detox me abd keep me from spiraling. Because even saying all this, this experience was still one of the worst ive been through
Edit: last thought, but i do like to look at the silver lining of these things. Like, being outed in that environment was such a nightmare, that being out in public isnt a big deal suddenly!
Thank you for surviving and fighting to keep your light safe and strong. I’m so fuckin proud of you. 🫶
Aww tanks! ❤️❤️
Im proud of all of us, it takes so much courage to even consider transition in todays world. Its a scary place, i dont think im any braver than the rest of the beautiful girls here ❤️
You’re braver than you think, bb. 🫂
I dont like tooting my own horn. Everyone has their struggles and mine arent any worse than someone elses. Comparing traumas kills compassion honestly. Im sure everyone here has been through something i cant even imagine wrapping my head around.
I was raised in poverty and hate. Hate against POC, hate against LGBT, hate against everything that isnt straight and white. “If it aint white it aint right” is something ive heard more times than i could count in a lifetime. Just evil shit. Thats why alot of my stuff has happened the way it has
But im not special or unique. I hate that we all collectively experience traumas like this. Not even just our little community here, but everyone. I strongly feel that if the world wasnt so cruel and unfair to people at certain times, there would be a lot less hate. sigh a girl can dream tho ❤️❤️
bb, you don’t need to be exceptional to be important. i apologize if I made you feel bad. not everyone feels comfortable with validation. 🫂
Mama didn’t raise no bitch, she raised that bitch. Thanks for talking and sharing. I’m glad to hear you’re on a beach and in a safe place. I’m sorry if i reacted all emotional, your story was very close to home. Please be kind to yourself for a while.
Youre good, i feel like im the most emotional person in the world right now with how much i just randomly start crying now. Since hrt, its been a flood of emotions. But its a good thing, i was so disconnected from it before.
Im trying to be kind to myself! Im getting a tattoo today, maybe ill post a pic if its presentable in any way today lol